I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
