But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
