Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Randomize
