____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
