I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
