I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
