What a fucking waste of an outfit
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
