You smell like a Billy Joel song
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
