I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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