Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
