Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Randomize
