obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
