no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
