You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
