Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
