my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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