If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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