Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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