I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
