You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
