You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
