I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
