i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
