Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
