wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I don't deserve a penis
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
