Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
