awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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