she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
