i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
