you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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