i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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