Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
