Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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