i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
