I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
