Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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