I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
