i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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