So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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