Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
