As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
bring money and cleavage
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
