i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
