8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
