could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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