If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
