Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Randomize