i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
