woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
