Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
