she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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