so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
