Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
