our cab driver is having phone sex.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
