no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
A+ Viking dick
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
